Journaling has been a part of my life since Middle School. I wanted to be just like my sister, Amber, who was an avid journalist at the time. My first few entries at that age, were more "diary-like" than anything else, but I considered it worthy, nonetheless.
Since my prepubescent days of Middle School, I've used journaling as a cathartic way to express myself and share my thoughts with God. It has been habitual in my personal devotions for years now! I love looking back at the many years of struggles and victories and seeing how my relationship with God has evolved. Before I start a new journal, I find a solid verse to memorize and write on the front page. I don't make decisions very well, so this takes a lot of prayer and consideration.
The journal I just finished had the verse: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:22-24. My first page was written in August of '09 and I expressed how happy I was for a new chapter of my life! I had a strong family, great friends, an amazing boyfriend, and I was on the way to finishing my degree! The whole entry was full of joy! The verse inspired me. However, within the week, the journal entries became more dark. I found out my Mom had cancer and the Nick and I went through a breakup with no intention of getting back together. The irony struck as I went back to read the passage in Lamentations.
Starting a brand new journal is so refreshing. God has molded me so much since the beginning of my last journal. I know that I have not been consumed because of His love for me. He had a purpose, and I know that my Mom is rejoicing, knowing that her testimony changed my life forever. I can honestly say that I have never seen the love of Christ more deeply than when looking in to the eyes of my Mom before she passed. She saw her purpose. Her joy came from knowing that she would soon be with Jesus. It has all never made as much sense to me as it does now.
This post is a lot more personal than my initial intention of the blog. I've missed my Mom a lot lately, and feel like I owe it to her to continue telling her story when the opportunity presents itself. More fluff posts to come. :)