Beauty and the Peeb

Anyone who knows me well knows that my sisters are my best friends.  Ashley and I shared a room growing up, had the same friends, and similar interests, so our friendship has been pretty solid since childhood.  My relationship with Amber, however, did not begin at such a young age.  Actually, Ash and I used to really give Amber a hard time because of her “innately good” status which made her the apple of our parents’ eye. So, my friendship with Amber was much later in life, to say the least.

 

It all started when we spent a summer in Kentucky, living with our Grandparents.  This was an adventure! Amber was a sophomore in college, while I had just finished my 10^th grade year of high school.  I didn’t have a license, so Amber had the honor of driving me everywhere ;).  On the occasional weekend, we would drive to Cincy to see our close friends.  On the drive we always passed that store called “Peebles”.  Being a missionary kid, this name was new to me, and was also quite amusing.  I repeated it several times, laughing out loud.  Amber gave me the death stare-not understanding why it was so funny.  She then started laughing at MY laughter, and thus the nickname “Peeble” was born.  We have, ever since, been calling one another “Peeble” as a term of endearment. 

This has become kind of a sick game between the two of us.  We have warped the name “Peeble” into any creative sign off we can.  Some examples include:

The Peeb
Peebylicious

Peeby&J

Katniss and Peeba

Peeb90X

And our favorite…. Justin Peeber. Haha!

Anyway, Peeby and Andy came to visit Nick and me in Ottawa this past weekend.  It was splendid!!  We had the most fabulous time together.  It was so relaxing, fun, and entertaining.  There was so much laughter, my stomach hurt after they left. We watched movies, went hiking, and we made delicious food and awesome biscotti! It honestly felt like I was in Cincinnati instead of Ottawa.  I just love both of them! Nick and I felt so refreshed after their visit!!

 Thank you both for making the drive to see us! We both consider you best friends, and we hope we only grow closer regardless of where we are geographically.  We LOVE YOU!

<---Ottawa literally believes people have "serious fun" here... its sad.

OH! P.S.  Here's a little treat for all the readers out there... We found this website where you can upload your photos and supposedly find out what your kid will look like.  We fused Amber and Andy's faces to make this hilarious looking little girl with a perm....

PerUnion

I feel like it was just yesterday when I was living in the glory years of “missionary kid” life.  It’s an experience that is not only hard to explain, but one that few choose to understand.  The group of friends I had could only be described as “hodgepodge”.   We all had different backgrounds, denominations, and accents-some more distinguishable than others.  When you found someone who spoke English, you kind of adopted them as a new best friend.  You may have had hundreds of differences with this person, but the one thing you did have in common, was being uprooted from the “normalcy” of the American Dream childhood.

 The kids and the adults all meshed into one giant family.  I had more Aunts and Uncles than I could count!  I was thankful for this since my own extended family was thousands of miles away and I could only see them every two years.  We’d all spend Friday nights having youth group, Christmas’ camping on the beach, and don’t forget our annual vacation to the Bujama beach retreat!  I’m a little giddy inside thinking of all those good times!

My senior year drew to an abrupt end, and my close Peru friends dispersed to various parts of continental U.S.  As I stepped back on American soil, I knew things were going to be different.  I managed to keep the same friends I had in middle school before we left 6 years earlier, which was a blessing! However, very little interest was sparked of my oversee endeavors, and we picked back up as if nothing had changed. 

My Christian college was used to missionary kids coming in wearing capes, developing new languages, and being true outcasts among the other students. In an effort to shield me from said social faux pas , Mt. Vernon involuntarily placed me in a Third Culture Kid support group (they called it a club), where I was assigned a faculty member to meet with monthly to discuss my “re-entry” into the North American society.  This woman gave me seasonal appliqué sweaters throughout the year—yeah! That’ll help me fit in among my peers.  I admittedly found her to be more in need of the “social skills” tutelage.

 

I do admit that on the rare occasion I will fall into an infamous “missionary kid” moment.  I will do or say something “un-American” and will get slight ridicule from my states friends.  This just makes me chuckle inside because they’ll never know how unusual we really were (choash, anyone?)!!

Years have passed since I’ve been in Peru-but the memories live on.  There have been several occasions where God has blessed me with the opportunity to see these friends again-at which point, the nostalgia comes screaming back to me!  We call these moments “PerUnions” (dorky, but effective!).  Just this last weekend I was so thankful to see my dear friend, Lucas Floyd.  I’ve seen him twice in the last 5 years, but unlike usual long distance friendships, it wasn’t awkward!  We played Balderdash, had “facetime” with his family, and spent lots of time catching up and laughing.  The friendship I have with him is so carefree and fun.  I’ve missed my friends from Peru so much-but I’m so thankful that, through Jesus, our relationships will last forever!

Technology amuses us more than most....we discovered photobooth on the ipad. 

Mom

Where do I even begin?  Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my Mom’s loss to pancreatic cancer.  Each day marking some new “first” that she couldn’t be there to share with us.  How do I go about explaining grief?  Living each day remember what now makes you feel incomplete inside.  Wishing you could turn back the proverbial hands of time to recapture every hug, smile, and “I love you”.  In a way, today is no different than the last 365- I still feel pain, but know that she no longer has to.

This year has brought many people to my mind and prayers.  My Mom’s Dad, who wondered why he had to outlive his youngest child; her sister, who called her every year on Mother’s Day to remember their beloved mother-who passed when I was just a baby; her older brothers, who she looked up to so much; her friends, who wrote her, called her, and visited with her throughout the year and a half that she fought this battle.  I also think of my siblings, who are all dealing with this grief differently.  Lastly, I think of my Dad, who hasn’t known life without my mom since he was 19 years old.  I know these people hurt, just as I do, and I’m thankful for their influence in making my Mom such an inspiration in my own life.

I tossed and turned in bed last night recounting this time last year.  Every member of my family camped out in the small living quarters we affectionately called “the fune”.  We were each on 2 hour rotations to coax mom into taking morphine.  Although it was awful to watch her degenerate, I think God planned out the timing perfectly.  We were each given alone time with her to say our goodbye’s.  Although many would say she was too far gone to understand, I knew she could feel my touch and hear my voice.  I still remember holding her beautiful hand and memorizing her soft skin and each detail of her features. As days passed, we were all praying that God would take her and free her from the pain she was feeling. When the time came, it was almost as if a burden was lifted. She was with Jesus-her whole life’s journey was complete in just one moment.  

Yes, it is clear that I mourn.  I still pick up the phone to talk to her, and then remember she’s not there.  I still wonder what future events will bring without her presence.  And I still have moments of weakness when I question God for taking her from me.  All that aside, I know one thing to be true: God does not make mistakes.  As a Christian, I need to daily take in this powerful verse:

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him”  1 Thes. 4: 13-14

We have hope of a new life.  I’m thankful my Mom no longer suffers! I’m thankful that she reached so many people during her life-most of all when she was ill.  She will forever be that example in my mind of Christ-likeness.  I couldn’t have asked for a better mother, and I will live my life remembering her-but also remembering that we have the hope of heaven. 

In closing, I’d like to offer you a valuable piece of my mother to hang on to, just as I have.   Mom knew God was going to take her home early on in her illness.  She prepared a journal for my dad, each of us kids, and one she wrote from a personal perspective: 6 in total.  I have decided to share a couple of excerpts to bring joy to her friends and family-just as they have brought me joy.

In her personal journal she writes,

8/29/09 “Lord, I pray that I will have the strength for Marlon when he is down-give me the words to say. I love him so dearly. Lord, whatever I face, my prayer is that you continually be seen in me.  May others see grace and calmness in the face of tribulation”

This entry was to my Dad:

9-31-09

I do feel sadness for many things:

-Will I live to see more grandchildren other than Lucas? To answer all the questions about pregnancy that Amber and eventually Adrienne will have?

-Sadness over perhaps not being around to help Adrienne plan her wedding-this is a very hard thought for me and tears drip off my chin as I write.

-Sadness over who will hold and comfort you (Marlon) in times of loneliness and sadness?

-Who will iron your shirts?

-sadness over the thought of you eating alone in restaurants.

-knowing from personal experience the heavy, crushing weight of losing a parents and knowing that I can’t be here to make is better for my kids.

-sadness over the possibility of not partnering with you in ministry.

Her personal journal:

11/9/09 This week has been a bit of a struggle.  Satan has attacked both Marlon and I physically and mentally.  It’s difficult going through a sickness that has the ultimate end of death.  It’s so hard to share our feeling of lost hopes and dreams-only hard in the fact that it brings us sadness.  It’s not difficult to share and talk together-just difficult know that in the not so far-off future, Marlon will not have me here physically to share with.  We are taking this time to cherish one another, fall in love again every day and count our many blessings. “God, give us the strength and purpose we need for each and every day.  Please be with our children and family as well.  Lord, We need you.”

 

Book Suggestions?

I've been a little reading machine as of late!! I really enjoy snuggling down with a good book.  So I've decided to make a "2012 book list".  However, the list is shorter than I'd like---so I need friendly suggestions! Here's what I have so far:

1. The Help - Kathryn Stockett

2. Sun Stand Still - Steven Furtick

3. The Maker's Diet - Jordan Rubin

4. An Invisible Thread - Laura Schroff

5. Stories I Only Tell My Friends - Rob Lowe

I loved reading The Hunger Games, anything by Elisabeth Elliot, and most "fluff" novels.  That should give you an idea of my reading style! I'm open to any and all suggestions!! :)

Cheers to Firsts!

Few things have made me happier than being a newlywed.  The experience is truly impossible to describe.  The joy of starting a new life with the one you love and sharing a whole new set of “firsts” with them has opened my eyes to a new facet of God’s blessings. For this reason, I was thrilled to plan out our first Christmas as a married couple!

One night at dinner, we had a good time discussing our respective family traditions.  We gleaned through the list and decided to adopt some, nix others, and develop a brand new list of our own.  

I asked Nick what he wanted for dinner that night and he responded: “BACON!” So, we opted for the “breakfast for dinner” tradition.  We read the Christmas story from Luke (we do this in the King family!), ate dinner, and proceeded to share both good and bad memories from the previous year.  We exchanged gifts and finished off the night with Home Alone 2!  We were talking before bed and it just kind of hit me how thankful I am that I married someone who will always be my best friend. 

As a child, a fond memory of mine was listening to my Mom sing along to The Carpenters Christmas album! I really wanted to listen to it this year and asked Nick if he would get me the CD.  One morning, Nick left for work without my knowledge.  I woke up a little disappointed that I didn’t get to kiss him goodbye.  I walked into the living room and heard Mary Carpenter singing “Merry Christmas Darling” and found a note that said “look outside! Our first snow as husband and wife”.  What a blessing it is to have a man who values “firsts” as much as I do. 

(we sipped on my favorite wine to celebrate our first Christmas together!)

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope you take time to reflect what it means to have the hope of Jesus in a world that appears otherwise hopeless. 

Bring on the Christmas!

I never thought I'd get sucked in.  The commercialization of Christmas was always kind of nauseating to me.  I used to find the one radio station that wasn't playing Christmas music and save it on preset 1 to avoid holiday cheer! I was a bit of an Ebenezer, if you will. I loved opening gifts and hearing the Christmas story, but when it came to the obsession of red and green, Santa, and overplayed music---I welcomed January 1.

My mom was always a big advocate of the Holiday season! Her Christmas tree would be breathtaking! Our job as kids was to "separate the lights"-we took it seriously until we realized it was busy work to keep us away from the handmade bows and cinnamon sticks which would elegantly grace the tree.  All the homemade, macaroni ornaments were displayed on the tree in mine and Ashley's bedroom--they had no place on the opulent tree in the family room.  We used to have this long-running joke where someone would hide and ugly ornament on the tree and see how long it too my mom to say "Who put that there?? where did that come from?!" haha! I still laugh about it.

This year is somehow different.  I don't know if its the memory of my mom, being newly married, or that God has changed my heart---but I'm really excited!! My itunes is filled with popular Christmas songs, our tree was up before Thanksgiving, and I'm eager to come home and celebrate with family and friends.  There's something so thrilling about making new traditions between Nick and myself.

Thanks to Mamma Simms (Allison Simmon's mom, and also my good friend), we had plenty of cheerful ornaments to put up! What a great wedding gift!

Pinterest gave me a great idea to have a gift for Nick every day of December up until Christmas! I've been working on collecting them and wrapping them with some sense of uniformity.  I'm very thankful to have an excellent husband around this time of year--he's been my shoulder to cry on. On each gift I made a little tag with a reason why I love him.  So far, he's really enjoyed opening each gift (even the boring ones--like undershirts and socks!).

I got a little crafty with puffy paint and scrapbook paper:



25 reasons why I love my hubs!!!:

To really get me in the Christmas spirit, Nick got me roses and a fraiser fir scented candle (I'm in love with it!):

Thoughts on Grief

     Before Nick and I moved to Ottawa, we began to pray that God would show us a good church so we could get involved and connected to the community.  After several weeks of searching, God thankfully opened that door to church just 5 minutes from our apartment.  We are so grateful to have an insightful pastor, a new small group, and several new friends to hang out with for the duration of our time here in Ottawa.  Alex and Audrey came for a visit this weekend, and we were able to make it to church right after we hugged them goodbye on Sunday.  Pastor Brian shared a tremendous sermon on grief - it directly spoke to my heart.

      Although I would never wish to relive these last two and a half years, I am thankful for how it has made my heart more tender to those who suffer.  In the past, I would just say "wow! That's really sad...", but now, I truly hurt for people who are going through so much pain.  God graciously puts people in my mind who I know need prayer for their circumstances.  I become a bit discouraged when I think of how many people in my life who hurt from loss of a loved one, cancer, miscarriages, and depression.  It breaks my heart! When I heard Pastor Brian's words on Matthew 5:4 ("Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"), I knew I wanted to share some things that have opened my eyes as of late.

C.S. Lewis said: "Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."

I never thought you could be "blessed" by grieving.  I've heard being blessed once described as a pilot light-always lit, never conditional upon circumstance.  To obtain this pilot light, its necessary to understand that grief is a pathway, not a destination.  Something that takes time and healing to overcome.  Pastor Brian used the example of a broken bone.  If you don't seek attention for it, it will heal incorrectly, and it will have long term effects for years to come.  So, how do you receive the proper attention for grief? Before listening to the sermon and doing some research on my own, I can honestly say that I didn't know the answer to "how should I grieve?".   Here are a few notes I've gleaned from several sources:

Grief...
Takes time: a journey, not a quick fix solution that many of us are accustomed to in our culture.
Does not pretend: I always hated it when people would come up to me and say "everything is going to be okay"... it pissed me off.. because I was like "uhh...thanks for the support".  Just call a spade a spade-it didn't feel like it was going to be okay in the moment, and its insulting to downplay the reality of everything.  This concept has taught me a lot on how to pray for people.  Honesty is such an important aspect of grieving.
Reflects and Celebrates: My Dad is the poster child for this bullet point.  It hurt so much to let Mom go, but Dad always reminded us of her example, her godly life, and her dedication to being an excellent wife and mother. We have to recognize God's gifts and be thankful for what he gave us--in my case, the perfect example of the mother I want to be.
Surrenders:  The word "surrender" is difficult for a control freak, like myself.  It takes a lot of sacrifice to be "okay" with not knowing the answers.  We have to lay all the questions and concerns at God's feet before we can experience peace and blessedness.
Trusts: The only way to experience hope through grief, is by trusting that God is in control!


A good friend of mine gave me the book, "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.  Its quite heavy, but I'm slowly making my way through it.  I really enjoyed his quote concerning the loss of his wife, "Can I meet Helen again only if I learn to love You so much that I don’t care whether I meet her or not?"  Bottom line: its not about me or my will-Its about my Creator and His Will.  He gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we could be made new through suffering. 


I guess this post is more beneficial to me than anyone.  After my mom passed, I planned a wedding, got married, moved away and started a brand new life.  I have pushed aside grieving for so long.  I just don't want to do it.  I want to be blessed without going through the whole process.  I know, however, that God doesn't work that way.  And I also know that God needs me to get through this so I can be a living example of healing-just like my Mom was.  So many people need prayer and comfort, and I want to be a vessel of Gods hope that comes from relying on Him through difficult times. 


Here are some key verses that have shown me the pathway of grieving to reach the destination of God's love:


"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed" - 2 Corinthians 4:7


"I will never leave you nor forsake you" Joshua 1:5b


"I will make everything new" Revelation 21:5


"O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him".  But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  Arise O Lord! Deliver me, O my God! From the Lord comes deliverance.  May your blessing be on your people." Psalm 3 (My Moms personal favorite)


"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9


"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior" Habakkuk 3:17-18